They Say It's Your Birthday

Today, I turn 29. It's been quite a while since I've blogged, busy with life and more private written reflections. Birthdays have always been an opportunity for self-reflection, the late summer new year to look back and ahead, take stock, and set some goals. I also indulge in this activity on January 1. Like clockwork, Jan 1 to Aug 13 to Jan 1, cycling through on this path of becoming my adult self. 

January's endeavor carries a slogan; this year is Sustainable Self. I blogged about this intention eight months ago and it has taken most of the year to really feel it. Upon today's reflection, I am succeeding at aligning my choices with a more peaceful, fulfilling, and (yes) sustaining lifestyle. 

Last week, while many COLAGErs attended the annual Family Week in Provincetown, MA, I stayed in San Francisco, having made the decision to 'retire' from six summers of volunteer facilitation. I was busy planning for Bay Area and Kids of Trans activities for the school year. As I registered for Gender Odyssey and Southern Comfort - two transgender conferences both held in September, I felt a sense of excitement that has been missing from my more recent work. It occurred to me that, for the first time in recent memory, I am not burnt out. A simple realization, but one that will guide me in my choices around work and life. Note to self: down time is a necessary component to sustainability. 

I am taking more time for me, working just one part-time job, living on less, and rethinking the difference between scarcity and abundance. Life is good. 

On this anniversary of my birth, I feel so loved and prepared for another year of compassionate living. 

Today is Blogging for LGBT Family Day

I really like when LGBT doesn't mean same-sex couples only, when the T is part of the conversation.

This essay "My Impossible Father" on Bilerico Project written by a young son talking about his transgender MTF father. Jillian T. Weiss posted it in honor of the day.

I love his description of transition along with his father.

We both underwent changes in our time apart; I sprouted into adolescence while she transformed into a woman. Each time I saw her she had transformed more and more into a woman. By the time I was ten years old, and began to understand the world, my father was comfortably a woman, and I was comfortable with her as a woman.

My relationship with my father has molded me to who I am today. The lessons I draw from my father include those about gender, but largely influence my life in ways only a father can. I learned tolerance, patience, and acceptance from my father's transformation but more importantly she instilled in me a fundamental tolerance for the unknown as well as vigorous passion to find that which I love, not that which provides momentary satisfaction.

I imagine this passage resonates with anyone who has witnessed the transition of a parent, or any loved one. We need to share our stories.

Star Struck at GLAAD Media Awards

Saturday evening, I had the opportunity to meet these lovely women on the red carpet of the 20th annual GLAAD Media Awards here in San Francisco.

I was on the media side of the velvet rope, holding the microphone as Melissa Regan and I explained NoDumbQuestions.org (an online space to share stories of lgbtq and ally experiences) before asking each celeb to share a 2-minute version of their coming out story. Most followed with a scripted 'I'm (lgbtq/ally celebrity), tell your story at nodumbquestions.org.' Stay tuned.

Calpernia Addams and Laverne Cox (above) shared the honor of Outstanding Reality Show award for the shows Transamerican Love Story and I Want to Work for Ditty. They were both stunning in person and had great brief stories to tell. What is so impressive about these women is the work they have each done for transgender visibility, far beyond the reaches of Logo or VH-1.

Also on the red carpet was Wilson Cruz, who I'll always remember as Ricky from My So-Called Life. He was so sweet and I was flustered. Apparently, he was the first openly gay teenager on television. He's done a lot since then and soon a short version of his story will be on our site! Like, whoa.

As more attendees graced our presence, my excitement kept building. Meeting Chad Allen took me back to middle school. I couldn't help thinking of Saturday nights watching Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. This teen heart-throb turned gay activist shared a touching story about coming out to his parents.

Another huge highlight was meeting Dustin Lance Black, who won an Oscar for writing Milk. His acceptance speech brought me to tears, so I was nearly speechless when he agreed to share a few minutes of his own story.

The common theme of all of these celebrities' sound bites was simple: the importance of living authentic lives, coming out about who you are in order to change hearts and minds. Some of them moved me in under 60 seconds. We can tell our own short stories
and broadcast ourselves, weaving together across the world wide web. Because we all have a story to tell. Technology is making it more possible to share these stories, so that Dustin Lance Black's acceptance speech can intermingle with Morgan Green's account of her father's transition. So we celebrate the power of media.

Gay Marriage in New England

This summer, I will travel home to Vermont for another wedding on the shores of Lake Bomoseen, the largest lake entirely within the state's borders. Two of my cousins were married on this lake with beautiful outdoor summertime ceremonies. Both weddings inspired me as gatherings of friends and families celebrated love and commitment. This July, I will see my childhood friend get married on this lake... a lake where I spent so many summer days in the water, so many nights staring at the stars, and a long summer working as a park ranger at the state park.

When the Vermont State Legislature overrode Gov. Jim Douglas' veto of same-sex marriage law a few weeks ago, I thought of Lake Bomoseen. Always a proud Vermonter, I am elated to know that I could someday marry my love on the shores of Lake Bomoseen... regardless of that person's gender.

Today, New Hampshire became the fourth New England state to legalize same-sex marriage. I love my life in California, but the couples and families I know in New England -- families like mine -- now have rights that we in California lack. Sadly, New Hampshire killed a gender non-discrimination bill, meaning that gays can marry but gender non-conforming folks remain unprotected. I would rather have gender protections than marriage. Let's hope that once we win full marriage equality, those activists mobilized by gay marriage shift their energy and resources to address the many other inequalities impacting our communities.

UPDATE 5/11/09: Add Maine to the list! Out of the four states I've lived in (Vermont, Massachusetts, Maine, and California), all but one have marriage equality. Come on, California, let's overturn Prop 8!

Activism 2.0

As I've mentioned, one of my current projects is NoDumbQuestions.org. I've been working with filmmaker Melissa Regan, producer/director of the Sundance award-winning film No Dumb Questions, to develop an online community inspired by the film. With new technologies, it is easier than ever to harness the power of the internet share our stories to change hearts and minds. (My inner geek gets really jazzed every time I think about this!)

We are hosting our first major virtual event next week, the National LGBT Equality StorySummit. This free online training will feature major LGBT activists Kate Kendell (NCLR), Lisa Mottet (The Task Force), Andy Marra (GLAAD), Jasper Hendricks (National Black Justice Coalition) and others talking about the power of online storytelling.

YOU are invited! Just register on the site and log on from your home computer (or call in from your telephone).

Here is the invitation:



MORE INFO & REGISTER NOW at NoDumbQuestions.org.

As LGBTQ people, family, or allies, one of the most powerful tools we have for achieving LGBTQ equality is our stories. But how?

Join LGBTQ equality, storytelling, and technology leaders on Wednesday, April 22 - from any computer or telephone - for the first ever National LGBTQ StorySummit. You'll be part of a groundbreaking conversation about the state of the movement, why it is so critical that we share our stories, and tips for how to tell, record, and use Web 2.0 technologies to share your own personal story.

Join us Wednesday April 22
6-7:30pm Pacific/9-10:30pm Eastern Time
from any computer or telephone.

***Space is limited! Register TODAY: NoDumbQuestions.org***

Something's Bubbling Up Inside of Me

So sings Department of Eagles, whose album has become my most recent soundtrack for life. (Thanks to Brian for yet another musical introduction.) I'm sipping on revelation and stewing in reflection.

On Thursday, I attended the rally/jumbotron screening of the opening arguments over repealing Prop 8 before the California Supreme Court. Inspired by the No Dumb Questions StoryHub project, I brought a video camera and interviewed a young man about his opposition to gay marriage. As he shared his perspective, I was struck by the power of documentary film making. Rather than engaging, I was able to just listen and observe, keeping my own beliefs to myself for once. If we are able to actually hear one another in our differing views, perhaps we can find a bit of common ground.

Today, I sat outside a favorite cafe in my neighborhood, reading bell hooks and drafting a press release on an upcoming COLAGE Bay Area Panel. Spending much of my time in cafes affords rich opportunities for eavesdropping. A small group of college students were reading to each other about lesbian motherhood, then continued their discussion of transnational identity, family, and queerness. As someone who tends to engage more than she observes, I am discovering the value of just listening.

I discovered this quote by Mimi Nguyen that resonated tonight:

It's impossible, after all, to imagine that "queer" only skews gender and sexuality, and not race or class or nation, as if we might line up our social categories like cans in a cupboard, as if they weren't just intersecting but mutually constituitive.

I am forever grateful for the ways that life continues to illuminate these intersections.

Remembering Lawrence King, One Year Later

On February 12, 2008, Lawrence King was shot by a classmate in Oxnard, California. We all deserve to learn and live in peace. Here are a few memorials...

Memorial from Lawrence's family,

GLSEN and LOGO --

Note: Lawrence King was targeted based on gender expression AND sexual orientation.

Another gay teen --


Take action --
Safe schools for all! Contact GLSEN, start or support a GSA in your local school, act against violence!