March 19, 2008 - Five Years Too Long

"Tour of Shame" snake march through downtown SF early Wednesday morning, organized as part of Direct Action to Stop the War. I have more than a thousand words to say about this stupid War, but the picture will do for now. More photos at KPFA.org

"Homophobia" by Chumbawumba

Thanks, Ben.

Checking In

March is speeding toward April and this is my first post this month. So much for keeping up with my blog. A lot has changed over the past few months, which some of my more astrological friends call out as Saturn Return - apparently my entire 28th year will be riddled with uncertainty. Oh goody!

It feels like a paradigm shift; I thought I had some idea of my future and recently admitted that my perspective has changed. My relationship fell apart, my plans to return 'home' to Boston unraveled. This essentially happened in the six weeks between my MSW application submission and receiving the letter of acceptance. Thanks, Simmons School of Social Work, but no thanks. Turns out, I'm not ready to go back to school or leave San Francisco. I'm not even sure that I want to be a therapist for transgender people and their families, despite my heart-felt application statement. It makes me laugh -- how did I think I would know the next step before I took this one? Live and learn. New slogan for 2008 = Liberate your desires.

Besides all of the processing of paradigm shifts, I've been getting some KOT work done...
The resource guide is almost finished, thanks to so much support from the queerspawn and transgender communities. I am finalizing the content this week, based on feedback and edits from a few KOTs, therapists, and trans advocates. The photocopied version of the guide will be available early April at the IFGE conference in Tucson, where I am co-presenting two workshops and hope to spend some time by the pool.

Last week, I sat on a panel after the Frameline screening of transparent and Just Call Me Kade at the SF LGBT Center. The films were good, despite the lack of children's voices in transparent. I love sitting on a panel and seeing at least fifteen friends in the audience. Queerspawn community in the Bay Area is truly a marvelous thing.

Friday, COLAGE's Board of Directors convened at the CTWO House in Oakland, a rad old purple mansion that hosts racial and social justice groups for meetings and retreats. We met about strategic planning all day and hosted a reception in the evening, where I spoke about the successes of the KOT program and pledged to become a monthly donor. Did I mention how much I love queerspawn community?

I slept too little and awoke early to travel to UC Berkeley for the Transgender Leadership Summit. This was my first visit to the Berkeley campus and I kept an eye out for a landmark from 'The Graduate'. (Do you have pictures in your head about places you've never been? My image of Berkeley was taken from the scene when Benjamin Bradford tries to find Elaine Robinson at school.) A young Dustin Hoffman was nowhere to be found, but some of my favorite trans activists were in attendance. I saw Jamison Green, who complimented the resource guide draft I'd sent for his review. Donna Rose (who vocally resigned from HRC's Board over the ENDA debacle) made a short video with me about the KOT program, which will be posted on her website. She is an absolute peach, assuring me that I am 'an honorary one of us'. Aw, shucks.

I attended some great workshops at the summit, including a fundraising session that was exactly what I needed. The KOT program isn't going to support itself and I need to raise some funds to get the resource guide out into the world. GLAAD did a media spokesperson training, which I left early to attend the AFLOAT caucus. AFLOAT (Allies, Friends, Loved Ones, and Tribe) is another acronym for SOFFA (Significant Others, Friends, Family, and Allies). No one knew where AFLOAT originated and I find the use of 'tribe' slightly problematic. I'll stick to SOFFA, but the caucus was a nice gathering of folks connected to trans people. I introduced myself as a 'super SOFFA'. Although I was the only KOT, the family and partner perspectives resonated deeply.

I am so grateful for the support my work has received, from COLAGE and from the transgender community. It's all coming together and I couldn't have done it without all the love. To those of you who have inspired me to keep me going, Thank You!

Myth of Father

I watched Myth of Father tonight, a 28 minute documentary by Paul Hill about his transsexual father. He interviews his dad, Jodie, and other family members, painting a touching snapshot of simultaneously complicated and simple family dynamics. In part of the film, he orchestrates a family reunion to try to bring everyone closer. I can relate to Paul Hill, not just because I have a transsexual father, but because of his position in the family - the one trying to maintain relationships with everyone. At one point, Paul says "the thought of my dad living as a woman is still a little strange, but I need my dad in my life. And I'm thankful that she's found her true self." His parents split up when he was young and his dad was always distant.

It's amazing that through a parent's transition, one can sometimes discover a relationship that you've always been missing.

Support Gender Protections in Massachusetts!

On March 4th, the Judiciary Committee will hold a hearing for HB 1722 "An Act Relative to Gender Based Discrimination and Hate Crimes". If you live in MA, please call your state rep in support of this bill - here's how.

I lobbied for this bill back in May as part of the Massachusetts Transgender Political Coalition (MTPC) Lobby Day - it was actually a "lobby date" with my soon-to-be boyfriend. We wandered around the state house, entering legislators' offices and explaining our individual connections to the bill. I talked about my dad, he talked about himself. Then we walked through the Boston Common and had lunch in Copley Square. It was a memorable super SOFFA experience and one of my favorite dates of all time. Although we're no longer together, I hope the bill passes for his sake, and for all of the other transgender and gender non-conforming people still living in Massachusetts.

Since I am still in California and too far away to testify at the hearing, I submitted the following written testimony:

My name is Monica and I lived in Jamaica Plain, MA, until late 2007, when I moved to San Francisco to work for COLAGE, a national organization of people with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and/or queer parents. I am completing a fellowship at COLAGE to expand their Kids of Trans program and develop resources for people with transgender parents.

My father is a transgender woman who transitioned from male to female in western Massachusetts about ten years ago. She found it difficult to maintain a career while facing discrimination as a transgender woman. Eventually, she took a job with a corporation in Vermont with human resources policies prohibiting gender based discrimination. She was forced to make a long commute, keeping her from spending time with my 14-year old sister. Last year, she and her partner finally decided to leave Massachusetts permanently to move to Vermont, one of a growing number of states with protections against gender-based discrimination.

HB 1722 would provide much needed protections for families like mine, families with one or more transgender parent(s). As the daughter of a transgender person, I have witnessed the impacts of transgender discrimination on my family. My father has struggled to support our family and found that her best option was to leave the state. Passage of this legislation would provide transgender parents, like my dad, with the opportunity to work and live in Massachusetts without fear of discrimination.

Thank you for your consideration of my family in the passage of HB 1722, An Act Related to Gender-Based Discrimination and Hate Crimes.

Bishop V. Gene Robinson

wants to smash the patriarchy:


Coming from the mouth of the first openly gay bishop in the Episcopal church. Now that's what I call liberation theology. We need to send his daughters some "I HEART my gay dad" pins.

Creating Change

I leave for Detroit tomorrow morning along with three other COLAGE staffers, to attend the 20th Creating Change conference. This will be my first. It feels so different to be going to a conference as part of a team, after so many solitary plane and train rides to transgender conferences over the last few years. I am excited to see familiar activist faces, meet new folks, catch up with some really good people, and learn a lot. It seems to me sometimes that conferences have the fuel of street protests - both events of coming together to feel less alone in our politics and our actions.

building a bigger toolkit...